


Snap!

by Tashilover



Series: Linked Universe [17]
Category: Legend of Zelda, Linked Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Linked Universe, specific warnings for each chapter, various short stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 11,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24833935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tashilover/pseuds/Tashilover
Summary: Various one-shot fics focusing on different characters.A Linked Universe fic
Series: Linked Universe [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1258721
Comments: 277
Kudos: 654





	1. Snitches get

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of https://linkeduniverse.tumblr.com
> 
> warning: non-graphic stitches, blood

"You animal! You brute! What are you doing back there, trying to create abstract art?"

Legend held the needle and thread between his fingers, his face flat unimpressed. "I haven't even touched you yet."

"Well hurry up!" Warriors said, groaning. "I can feel myself bleeding out at rapid speeds!"

Legend wanted to roll his eyes at the dramatics, though to be fair, it was a rather impressive-looking wound. The deep bleeding gash was high on Warriors' back, near his shoulders. Had the bokoblin aimed their sword a little bit more to the left, it would've severed Warriors' spine. The man was lucky all he walked away with was another scar to add to his collection.

He sat, his knees drawn up to his chin, shirtless, waiting for Legend to stitch him back up.

"I have the thread prepped," said Legend. "Are you ready?"

Warriors bowed his head, hiding his face against his knees. "Yeah."

Legend began to sew.

At the first stitch Warriors gave a muffled grunt and his hands tightened. At the second he whimpered. By the third he was weeping quietly.

Legend paused. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He sniffled.

"I'll try to go a little faster, but does it hurt _that_ much?" Everyone in their group has endured stitches before. Sure they were annoying and they itched like hell afterwards, but compared to everything else they've done, stitches were nothing.

"I dont-" Warriors hissed at the sixth stitch. "I don't like needles."

"...That's it?"

"Look, man, we all have our issues, you don't need to-"

"No, no, no judgement here. Just surprised is all. Big bad war captain you are. After everything you've seen, I didn't think needles would be that scary for you."

"...I don't know the reason behind it. I've been stabbed by bigger things than needles."

Legend tied the last stitch and cut off the loose thread with a pair of golden scissors . "And done!"

Warriors gingerly flexed his shoulder, feeling the pull and tug of his skin. He grimaced. "At least this is over and done with."

"Yup." Legend turned to wash his hands in a nearby bowl of water.

"Um... hey... you're not going to tell the others-"

"No," said Legend. "This shit can stay between us. I don't particuarly care to make fun of phobias."

Warriors grinned. "Thanks."

There was a beat.

"The _tattoo_ on your lower back _however_..."


	2. Plush

Twilight wanted to get up.

He's been stuck in this position for at least an hour now and everything was cramping up. His back, his legs, and his neck was begging him for movement, to rid the kinks that were building in his muscles. His left back foot was sitting awkwardly underneath him, cutting off circulation. He's had an itch on his nose. The sun was in his eyes. He also really, really needed to pee.

 _Get up_ , he thought to himself. _Everything hurts and you're going to regret this later. Get up. Get up. Get up-_

His thoughts suddenly ceased as he felt movement. He opened his eyes and looked back.

In his sleep Wild was like a child; he was curled up, his knees almost to his chest, burying his face deeper into Twilight's thick, warm fur. His hand grasped Twilight's tail, refusing to let go, and when he shifted, he laid his entire weight against the wolf. Twilight gritted his teeth and endured the discomfort. This was the first uninterrupted sleep the kid has had in two days.

Twilight sighed and lowered his head back onto his front paws, groaning at the sunlight. He could wait another hour.


	3. Something Old

Winny Boudier was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. She was born rich, she lived rich, and she will die rich. She has never known a day of hard labor, and most of her friends were other nobles of Hyrule who were just as wealthy as she was.

So when she got a letter from her old childhood friend, she nearly squealed in mocking laughter.

"Aloysius! Oh darling!" Winny burst opened her husband's study room door, flaunting in and thrusting the open letter into his face. "Look at this silly thing!"

Her husband, a stout man with thick glasses and an even thicker beard, took the 'silly thing' from her. He cleared his throat loudly and read, " _You are cordially invited to the union between Malon and Link._ Why dear, this looks like a wedding invitation!"

"Yes, isn't a hoot?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand," said Aloysius.

"Oh, that's right darling. I don't often share my _poor_ childhood with you. You see... Malon's father and my Papa were old friends. They were in the same military branch or something. Anyways, Papa would drag me kicking and screaming to their _terrible, damp_ ranch nearly every summer just so they could reminisce about old times. Malon was the only child around to play with. I didn't actually like her, but beggers can't be choosers, right? Those darn summer trips only ended when Papa passed away- _may the Goddess rest his soul_ \- and I chose to never go back to that silly ranch again. We haven't talked for years and this silly girl still thinks we're friends? Ah... she must be so lonely."

"Hmmm... well darling, do you plan to go?"

" _Go?"_ Winny said. "HA! It says here she plans to have her wedding on the ranch! Gah! Can you imagine getting married while smelling _manure?_ I would _die!_ "

"Yes, but for better or worse she was a childhood friend. It wouldn't hurt to send along a nice gift. If only out of the thoughts of your father."

Winny sighed loudly. "Oh, you're right. Papa would want me to check up on his old friend. Actually, this is not a bad idea! I've been looking for an excuse to buy a new dress and shoes!"

"Darling, like you need an excuse to shop!"

Both of them laughed.

On the day of the wedding Winny showed up in her most expensive carriage, wearing a dark red dress made out of velvet. She wore silver shoes that glittered in the light, and she had on a bright red hat decorated with black feathers.

Winny was vibrating in her seat, trying to keep a clam demeanor. "I'm so glad you talked me into this, darling," she said to her hubby. "I've been wanting new gossip to tell the girls over tea time. This is the perfect opportunity without looking like I'm snooping."

"I'm happy for you, dear," Aloysius said. "By the way, what present did you choose for the bride?"

"A silver hairpin." She pulled off the top of the box and took it out to show it off. The hairpin was about eight inches in length and looked like a bird. "I'm betting Malon will _scream_ when she sees this. It's probably the most expensive thing she's ever seen."

"But isn't that _your_ hairpin?" Aloysius asked.

"Just one of my older ones I don't wear anymore," said Winny. "I didn't want to get her something too extravagance in case she tries to resell it."

"That's very smart of you, dear. No need to waste a good accessory if it's just going to hocked."

"Bingo." Winny placed the hairpin away.

A moment later the carriage stopped. Their driver said loudly, "We have arrived at Lon-Lon Ranch."

Winny readjusted her silly red hat. "Shall we, darling?"

Aloysius offered her his arm as the carriage door opened. "We shall."

They stepped out into the sunlight. They gasped at the sight.

Winny was expected _perhaps_ twenty people at Malon's wedding. After all, how many people could a farmer know? Out in the large grassy area where Malon and her father usually exercise the horses, were people as far as the eye could see. Everyone was dressed in incredible clothing, colors so amazing they looked like exotic birds. Immediately Winny felt under-dressed and cheap compared to them. There weren't only just Hylians, but people from all species. Winny has seen Gorons and Zoras before, wandering around Castle Town, however this was the first time she's seen so many congregated in one spot. There were even Gerudos mingling about, and their pieces of jewelry were far more impressive and beautiful than anything Winny has ever owned.

"Goodness!" Said Aloysius. "I didn't know your childhood friend knew so many people!"

Winny struggled to speak. "Well... clearly they're clients! Yes. After all, Lon-Lon Ranch does supply a good amount of milk for Castle Town. So these must be grateful patrons!"

"Even the Zoras and Gorons?"

"The ranch must've expanded over the years." She sniffed. "I'm not that impressed. Let's go explore, shall we?"

"Yes. I'm curious to see what food they have."

Though it's been years since Winny last stepped onto Lon Lon Ranch, she still remembered everything like it was yesterday. The barn looked the same. The position of the stables had not moved. The house had gotten a new roof, but beyond that it stayed the same. If it wasn't for the dozens of guests mingling about, Winny would feel as if she were ten years old again.

She wondered where Malon was. Probably in her house, getting ready. Would it be rude if Winny snuck in and got a look at her before the ceremony?

There were several tables set up with hors d'oeuvres and little bottles of milk. Winny and Aloysius fluttered over, grabbing a plate and began filling it with the little delights.

Aloysius popped one into his mouth and hummed in delight. "Hmmm! Darling, these are absolutely scrumptious!"

Winny hated to admit it, but they were amazing. Much better than the hor d'oeuvres at her wedding. "She's obviously marrying someone rich," she said.

"The invitation said her husband-to-be is named _Link,"_ Aloysius said as he piled on more food. "Do we know anybody by that name?"

"No... but I'm going to find out."

Winny has never spoken to a Zora before. She's always found them rather off-putting due to their fish heads, dark eyes, and the fact they walked around _naked._ The ones mingling about only wore a few pieces of jewelry. Hoping her blush would be mistaken for makeup, Winny went up to the closest Zora and asked, "Excuse me, are you a friend of the groom?"

The Zora turned his blackened eyes towards her. He smiled and his mouth was full of sharpened teeth. "Yes, I am."

Winny felt her courage draining away. Hylia, she didn't know what was worse: the nakedness or those _teeth_. "I... um... am a friend of the bride, but I have never met the groom before. Um... is he here, mingling. I would like to introduce... myself."

"Certainly." The Zora pointed with a webbed finger across the crowd. "He's over there in green. Impossible to miss."

"Ah. Um... thank you."

He continued smiling at her. "My pleasure."

Winny quickly walked away, tugging at her collar, suddenly feeling as if she couldn't breathe. Good lord, why would Malon invite such _monstrous_ creatures to her wedding? Even if they were clients, these Zoras would most likely feed on the blood of Malon's cattle than drink the milk.

As instructed, Winny spotted Malon's husband-to-be. He was talking to one of his guests. He had a cup of wine in one hand, and as he spoke, his eyes crinkled in glee. Winny slowed in her step.

She didn't expect Link to be so... good-looking.

Not that she expected Malon's future husband to be ugly! She was not that vain! It's just someone like Malon with her position in the world don't typically marry _up_. Winny fully expected Link to look more... well... more like _Aloysius_. Aloysius was kind and sweet, and Winny loved him very much, but he wasn't going to win any beauty contests soon.

This Link certainly would. He was tall and broad around the shoulders. He had a long face with a strong jaw, and his honey wheat hair shined in the sunlight. He wore a green tunic decorated in silver and rubies, looking as elegant as any noble.

_Who was this man? Where did he come from? How did a random farm girl end up with someone like **that?**_

Winny has spent most of her life knowing she was better than anyone else. She was always richer, prettier, smarter than most of her peers. Malon was not on her mental list of potential rivals. And now for the first time in her life she felt like she had _lost._

A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder. Winny turned to see Aloysius. "Sweetie?" Aloysius asked. "What's wrong?"

She chewed the inside of her cheek before answering. "I don't know. I feel... upset. Wronged somehow. I feel..."

"Jealous."

Winny gasped indignantly. "I would _never-!"_

"Darling, it's alright to feel that. It is a very impressive-looking ceremony so far. The food is lovely, there's so many people here from different places, and so far I'm having fun. Besides, there's things we did at our wedding that's a lot more impressive. For one, all of our guests were _clothed._ " He said as he jabbed a thumb towards a Zora.

Winny laughed a little. She looked back at Link and sighed. "I supposed you're right. That I am a little... jealous. I should be happy for Malon. It's good she found someone."

A woman dressed in ceremonial robes suddenly came up to Link. The officiate of the wedding. She talked to Link for a few seconds, laughed at something he said, and leaned up, kissing him on the cheek. Seeing this Winny blanched. What kind of officiate _kisses_ their clients?

The woman pulled down her hood, revealing long golden hair and a sapphire tiara. It was Queen Zelda.

The earth shook for Winny.

"Give me the present," she said to Aloysius.

Her husband wordlessly handed over the small box. Clutching it tightly in her hand, Winny turned and stormed towards the farmhouse.

How dare Malon do this to her. Did she invite Winny purely just to shove this into her face? To show off? None of it made sense. How did a country bumpkin who spent her days shoveling horse _shit_ get the _Queen of Hyrule_ to officiate her wedding? Winny's need for answers was so great it began to hurt.

There was someone who was manning the door to the house, but he was distracted by the beautiful Gerudo women walking by, and Winny slipped in easily. Once inside, she immediately went for the stairs. Malon's room was at the end of the hall.

The door was slightly ajar, letting Winny to push her way in easily. "Malon!"

Malon was sitting in front of a vanity, already dressed in her beautiful white wedding gown, her long red hair loose around her shoulders. She jumped at the sudden entrance, twirling around with a gasp. "Winny?"

Winny opened her mouth to say... well, she didn't know exactly. Obscenities? Questions? She had a full speech ready in her head and had imagined tossing the gift down at Malon's feet and storming away in a dramatic fashion.

But all of that disappeared when she realized Malon had been crying.

"Winny, is that you?" Malon sniffled and stood up. She suddenly rushed forward, throwing her arms around Winny's neck. "Oh, I am so glad to see you!"

"I..." Winny stiffened. She didn't know how to react. "What's... wrong?"

"You'll think it's silly."

"I... won't. I promise."

Malon stepped back, wiping at her eyes. "I don't know exactly. I think I'm scared."

"Scared? Of what? Of Link?" Was he _forcing_ Malon into this? Righteous justice bubbled in her gut.

"No, it's nothing like that. He's a good man. But I am scared... that I might lose him one day. He's a knight, you see. A very important one. And every time he goes out, he comes back... worse. He's always covered in bruises. He gets new scars, new burns. He's seen so much, Winny. And although I do love him... I wonder if I can handle knowing there will be a day he won't come back. I wonder if I'm setting myself up for heartbreak."

"I... have you told him this?"

Malon shook her head. "I want to be strong for him. I've tried talking to other wives who are married to knights to gain a better perspective, but they look down upon me cause I'm a farmer."

Winny felt her cheeks burn.

"Gosh, look at me," Malon said. She patted down her dress. "I haven't seen you in so long and the first thing I do is blubber into your shoulder like a child. Winny, I'm so sorry I didn't keep in touch all these years. So many things happened and I got distracted. I'm glad you came though. It wouldn't feel right not to have my best friend here."

_Best friend_

Winny sucked in a sharp breath. She was so humbled, so ashamed of her earlier thoughts, it felt wrong to be in this room, to be at this ceremony. Malon deserved someone better to call her best friend than some spoiled _brat_. Winny swallowed and said, "You're not silly for worrying about the person you love. It's not silly wanting to avoid pain. But do you know what I really think is happening here? Wedding nerves. So many people here, so many watching you. It gets overwhelming. As a result you start imagining problems, trying to give yourself excuses to stop the wedding."

Malon nodded. "Yes. I do feel like that. Goodness. I can stick my arms into a mare's perineum to help deliver a foal with no problem, but the thought of standing out there in front of that crowd is making me shake."

"And you do love Link?"

Malon smiled. Her blush making her look pretty. "I do."

"And you want to be with him despite it all?"

"Of course."

"Then let's get you cleaned up. A bride must look perfect for her wedding day."

Malon took a deep breath and released it. She turned back to her vanity. "Okay. Okay, I think I need to redo my face. The Gerudo helped me with some of the makeup but did I smear it?"

"I can help you reapply. Let's first put up your hair. Here, we can use this."

Winny opened the gift box, pulling out the silver hair pin.

"Winny!" Malon said. "You remembered!"

"Huh?"

"The hair pin! Oh, you used to wear this back when you came to the farm. I've always told you how much I admired it."

Winny didn't remember. Or had she? She looked down at the pin, turning it in her hand, wondering if her subconscious had picked this. She gathered up Malon's hair in gentle waves and placed the pin in, holding it steady. The silver complimented her lovely red hair.

"There now," Winny said. "You look perfect."

Malon smiled warmly at the compliment. "Thank you for coming."

"Of course. Anything for my best friend."


	4. One to grow on

Today was his birthday.

And Wind hadn't said a word about it.

It didn't feel right to bring it up to the group. Why would they care about some _brat's_ birthday when there were bigger things to worry about? A few days ago Epona threw a shoe and nobody had noticed until she started limping. Time so immensely upset by this, everyone was walking on eggshells around him. It wasn't until Epona's ankle healed and a new shoe was applied did things finally calm.

The day after that a bokoblin struck Hyrule in the face, knocking out one of his teeth. Twilight ended up taking him to the nearest village to see a dentist. When they came back, Hyrule's face had swelled to twice its size and he was miserable for the rest of the evening.

Just to test the waters, Wind tried to broach the subject of birthdays to the guys. The results were... not what Wind was expecting.

"Birthdays?" Legend had said. "I don't bother. I'm always on the road, so for me it's just another day."

"I'm not exactly the best person to ask," said Wild. "Since I don't even know when my birthday is."

"Why are you asking?" Warriors said, staring at Wind with suspicion. "Do I look _old_ or something?"

That was a bit of mood killer and it put off Wind from asking again. He supposed he got his answer. Why should he expect the others to care about his silly little fifteenth birthday when their own weren't bothered with?

So on that special morning when Wind woke, he stared up at the ceiling of his tent, telling himself not to be disappointed. It was just another day. No need to make a big deal out of it. With that in mind, Wind sighed and climbed out of his tent, already feeling rather morose. The rest of the guys sat around the campfire, idling as Wild cooked. It was the same sight as yesterday and the day before that. Nothing new.

The smell of breakfast wafted towards him and he took an appreciative sniff. As if lightening struck him, Wind jumped, his eyes growing wide. He ran over to Wild who was quietly stirring the pot.

"That soup you're making," Wind said. "Is that...?"

"I'm just reheating it," said Wild. He poured a bowl and held it out to Wind.

Wind took the bowl with two hands and brought it to his lips, taking a long, slow sip. He shivered in delight. "This is... _this is my grandmother's soup!_ How did you-?"

Wild held up an open package. "Your sister wrote us a letter and it contained a bottle of this soup."

_"She did? Why?"_

The rest of the guys suddenly stepped forward, pulling out little wrapped items from behind their backs. "Isn't it obvious?" Said Legend. "It's your birthday."

"What!" Wind said. "But I thought you guys... didn't care for birthdays."

Legend pulled a face. "I never said that. I said I didn't care for _my_ birthday."

"Just because I don't remember mine doesn't mean I need to forget yours," said Wild.

Warriors clapped a hand on Wind's shoulder. "Besides, you're young. I know birthdays matter more to you youths."

"So what do you want to do first?" Four asked. He held up an obviously sword-shape present. "Open gifts or breakfast?"

Wind grinned and took another long sip of delicious soup. He laughed and said, "Both!"


	5. Social Distancing

Sky sneezed for the sixth time, his eyes streaming with thick tears. A round of violent coughing came next. He curled in on himself, clutching his chest, trying desperately to contain the next wave. When he finally uncurled, he stared up at his golden goddess. He blinked wearily, smiled, and said, _"Zelda..."_

 _"No,"_ said Wild as the group around him roared with laughter. "You're hallucinating."

"Zelda..." Sky tried to reach out to stroke his hair. Wild slapped his hand away.

"Hey!" Twilight chastised. "Be nice to the patient."

Wild glared at him. With a huff he pulled a bowl with cool water closer to him. He soaked and wrung a small handkerchief. Sky was still staring up at him through half-lidded eyes as Wild patted his burning forehead. Sky gratefully leaned into the touch. "How long until that potion is done?"

"Soon," said Hyrule, continuing to stir the pot. The bubbling liquid swirling around was a light shade of pink. "It's getting there."

"Well, hurry up. I think he's about to propose."

Another round of laughter followed.

Sky was the only one not laughing. He frowned at Wild's tone. "Did I make you upset?"

"I..." Wild looked to Twilight, who gestured to keep playing along. He sighed. "No, you didn't."

"But you're mad."

"I'm not. You're sick and that makes me unhappy."

Sky thought about this, his brow furrowing. "I'm sick?"

"Yes, very much so. You need to- _Hey!"_

Sky suddenly wrung himself away from Wild, turning his back to him. The sudden movement had Sky dissolving into another terrible coughing fit, making it a struggle to breathe.

"Sky," Wild said. He reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. Sky shrugged off his touch. "What are you doing?"

"I don't want to get you sick," Sky declared. His throat sounded like it was filled with rocks. "Stay away from me."

"I'm not going to get sick. I'm rarely sick."

"But you got sick once. It was very bad."

"I don't-"

"You almost died."

Wild stopped. He pulled back.

Sky curled more in on himself, his knees coming up to his chest, his arms wrapping around his torso. "You were so pale. So tired. I was afraid the next time you went to sleep... you wouldn't wake up. I never want to see you go through that again."

"Oh geeze," Wild said. He ran a hand over his face. "Sky... Zelda is... _I'm_ fine. I'm fine. Look at me, please?"

Sky peered over his shoulder. He sniffled.

Though Wild got him to look, he struggled to think of what to say next. How do you convince a hallucinating sick person he was not going to infect everyone around him? Sky couldn't even tell the difference between a heavily scarred man and his goddess-touched princess. His idle brain was running on instinct.

Wild understood instinct.

"Hey," he said. "Do you trust me?"

Tears ran down Sky's red cheeks. "With my life."

"Then trust me when I say, you're not going to get me sick. We have red potion brewing, see?" He pointed to the pot. "Just wait a little longer and we'll all be fine. Alright?"

Sky uncurled himself. He turned back to Wild and moved in closer, resting his head against Wild's leg. "Okay..."

"See?" Wild wrung out the handkerchief once more, patting his cheek with it. "Much better, right?"

"Yes," Sky agreed. "Will you marry me?"

The camp once more was filled with laughter.


	6. Road Maps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off of this comic: https://linkeduniverse.tumblr.com/post/171005643869/jojo56830-ill-drink-to-your-leg-jaws-some
> 
> I was always sad Four never got to show off
> 
> Warning: Mild body squick

"I feel like you denied us something good."

Four looked up from his polishing. "Huh?"

Hyrule plopped down in front of him, a grin plastered on his face. "When we were comparing scars. You didn't get a chance to show off."

"Show off what?" Four said. He went back to his project, dipping his rag into oil and dabbed it on the blade. "I told the truth; all of my stuff is pretty superficial. Nothing impressive as that scar on your stomach."

Hyrule lifted up his shirt, showing off the dark, puckered scar. He gave it a quick pat, dropped his shirt, and said, "As true as they may be, I'd still like to know. You said you've got some stories."

"Hmmm..." Four placed aside his rag and laid down the weapon he was polishing. He looked up at Hyrule. "Well... my biggest injury didn't happen on my adventure. This happened a few years before."

"Oh?" Hyrule moved in closer eagerly.

Four held out his hand in the same manner a noble woman would, waiting for a gentleman to take it. Confused, Hyrule reached over and grasped his hand. The moment he touched it, he gasped and jerked back. "Oh my gosh, is your hand-?"

"Broken?" Four said. He wiggled his fingers. "Yes, it is."

Four's left hand resembled that of one ravaged from years of arthritis. The bones protruded outward like marbles. His fingers were not perfectly straight, almost _zig-zagging_ from knuckle to knuckle. When Four moved his hand, the skin stretched and pulled unevenly.

 _"What happened?"_ Hyrule asked.

"Nothing too dramatic," said Four. "You know how I use the hammer in iron working?"

"Yeah."

"Well, one day I _missed_ -"

Hyrule winced.

"-and broke every bone in my hand. On the day it happened, our local apothecary was busy delivering a baby a town over. I had to rely on her apprentice, who wasn't as good. His red potion healed me, but not correctly, as you can see. Oh, his master offered to fix it for free, but in order to do that, they would have to re-break my hand. Obviously I didn't take up the offer."

"That's horrible! Are you in pain?"

Four twisted and moved his wrist freely. "Nope, I'm fine. I can hold a sword and hammer without problem. It looks ugly, but it doesn't hinder me." He picked up his rag and started polishing again.

"That's incredible," Hyrule said. "I sometimes forget we do have lives outside of our adventures. It's good to be reminded of that."

"Sounds like you got a scar to show off as well."

"Actually..." Hyrule tapped his cheek over a small pock mark. "I do have this one."

"Zits?"

"A fork."

_"A fork?"_

"Yeah," said Hyrule. "You know how sometimes we use utensils to eat? Well, one day I _missed_ -"


	7. Blackout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was inspired by https://ask-lu-wild.tumblr.com/
> 
> It's a fun fan comic and needs more love!

Around two in the morning, Time checked up on the boys.

The door to this room had a rusty hinge, a fix Time always told himself he should get around to, resulting in a small _squeak_ when he slowly pushed the door open. He peered inside, holding up the lit candle, panning it around.

Everyone seemed to be asleep just fine. As the smallest, Four and Wind shared the single bed in the room. Everyone else was laid out on the hardwood floor on every blanket and pillow Malon managed to pulled out of storage. It wasn't much, but compared to sleeping on the forest ground, this must've felt luxurious. As Time moved back, ready to close the door, he noticed a pair of eyes on him.

Twilight gave a small sleepy wave. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Time whispered. "Just checking in. Everything okay?"

"Yeah... Warm..."

Still half-asleep. A smile tugged on Time's lips. "Night then."

"Hmmm..." Twilight closed his eyes. "Night, Old Man."

Time closed the door and turned to face Malon. _"Old Man?"_ She asked teasingly.

"Oh no, don't you start with that."

She followed him down the hall back towards their room. "I wondered how you all distinguished from one another. It makes sense, you being the oldest in the group. But I hope not all of the nicknames are so on the nose like that. I'd hate to learn the poor boy with the burns is called _Scar-Face_ or something of the like."

"They call him Champion, as he was known back in his land."

Malon gasped in delight. "That is so elegant! What about the others?"

"Well..." Time said as they entered their room. He closed the door behind them and sighed in small relief, glad not to whisper anymore. "The youngest one is the Sailor. The knight is known as the Captain."

"What about our boy?"

Time placed the candle down upon the nightstand. "Ranch Hand."

"Hmmm..." Malon crawled into bed, pulling the covers up to her chest. "I take it back. They're all on the nose."

"We're not a creative bunch."

Time climbed into bed after her. He blew the candle out, pitching the room into blackness.

"Do you like your nickname?" Malon asked as he snuggled in close.

"Eh, it's not the worst I've had. But they sure love reminding me how much older I am compared to them. Can't pretend I don't find it condescending at times."

"Well... maybe they don't mean it like that."

Sleep was already pulling Time down. The familiar smell of frankincense in Malon's hair was comforting and he felt himself drifting, ready to let go. "Like what, then?" He asked softly.

"How many of them are orphans?"

Time's eyes snapped opened and sleep shot away like a projectile from his slingshot. "What does _that_ have to do with anything?"

Malon shifted so she could face him. By now Time's sight had adjusted to the dark and he could see her outline.

"Maybe they don't see you _a_ old man," Malon said. "Maybe they see you as _their_ Old Man."

Time pulled a face. "I highly doubt that. Besides they're all pretty independent and rarely need to defer to me."

"But most of them are still _kids_. And for the moment, you are the only older male figure they've been around these past few months. Have you not seen any of them trying for your approval?"

"I..." Time thought about it. Okay, sure, the Captain loved to ask him about his best battles or biggest enemies. The Sailor always blushed whenever Time gave him a compliment. But those were normal interactions, weren't they? It wasn't like Time caught all of them staring at him with curious looks, always eager for a new story from him, always ripping on him for his age yet treating him with great respect-

"Oh," Time said. He slapped a hand over his face. _"Oh."_

Malon burst out laughing. "Congrats on having eight kids, _Old Man._ You must be very proud."


	8. Pumpkins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't guarantee I'll do all the prompts, but I hope ya'll enjoy what I was able to make here~
> 
> edit: oop, i thought day 1 was pumpkins. this chapter still counts under monster/beasts, right? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"Damn," Wild cursed. He leaned back on his heels, shaking his hands free of pumpkin goo. A couple of seeds landed in the grass besides him. "This pumpkin is no good. The insides are already starting to rot."

Twilight groaned in displeasure. "Aw man. I was really looking forward to that soup."

"Sorry."

"Eh, it's not your fault. Should've checked the pumpkin more closely before buying it from that vendor. I guess I got too excited. Here, pass it to me."

Wild picked up the gourd and handed it over, grunting a bit from the heft. "Are you going to throw it away?"

"No... I think I want to do something a little more fun."

Twilight stepped back, his arms spread wide, showing off his creation. "So... what do you all think?"

None of the heroes answered. They all stared at Twilight's pet project with a small grimace.

Twilight had built a scarecrow. He took an old pair of pants and shirt, shoved leaves inside to give it shape, and propped it up using a nearby tree. He took the pumpkin and jammed it into the corner of the tree to give the illusion the scarecrow was standing straight up. He didn't stop at a rudimentary body. Using ash from the fire pit, he had drawn eyes and a mouth on the pumpkin head.

It was clear Twilight was not an artist. He had drawn the mouth lopsided, giving the scarecrow a broken grin, like that of a lecherous old man. Its eyes were too far apart, pointing in two different directions. Lastly he had tried to draw eyebrows but smeared them, giving the scarecrow a drunken expression.

Legend was the first to say it. "It's ugly."

"No, it's not!" Twilight protested. "It's..."

He took a second look. He winced.

"No, yeah, it's pretty ugly. Maybe this is why Iila always draws the scarecrow faces."

Time patted him sympathetically on the back. "Well, at least you know your limits. Your, ugly, ugly limits."

The group shared a goodhearted laugh at Twilight's expense when Wind suddenly spoke up.

"Uh... hey guys... did the scarecrow get... angrier?"

Laughter quickly died away as they turned to look.

Within the few seconds they took their eyes off the scarecrow, its expression had darkened. It's thick eyebrows had turned downward, pushed together in displeasure. Its once directionless eyes were now staring at the group with an intense focus it didn't have before. The half-grin was gone, replaced with a deep unsettling frown.

"Uh..." Said Sky, taking a step back. "Maybe we should-"

Time didn't wait for possible solutions. He grabbed his sword and swung it, slicing the pumpkin head in half, its two pieces toppling to the forest floor with a soft THUD. He then proceeded to cut down the rest of the body, scattering its leaves everywhere. Once done, he walked over to where the pumpkin halves had fallen, raised his foot, and brought it down, crushing the gourd until it was nothing but orange mush underneath his boot.

He turned to the others. "I think we should camp somewhere else tonight."

Everyone nodded in agreement.


	9. Camel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings at bottom. Contains spoilers

As the Travelling Hero, Hyrule was used to being alone. Heck, he enjoyed it. The silence of the world around him was comforting. If he wanted to explore something, he didn't need permission or spend precious amount of time prepping. If he wanted to go, he'd go. This didn't mean he was anti-social. Far from it. He enjoyed walking into new towns and meeting new people. He loved hearing stories from drunken old men over a game of chess. He loved talking to the ladies of the night, always offering them an arm if they feel unsafe walking home.

When Hyrule came upon his brothers from different eras, he'll admit this one of the best moments of his life. He couldn't get enough of their heroics, of their adventures, and they inspired him to try harder. He wished this journey will never end.

(Though if he was being honest with himself, he was getting tired of traveling with eight other men all the time. The scent of their unwashed bodies or terrible cologne was unbearable at times. When Hyrule wanted to get up and go, he had to wait for the others to finish breakfast, shave, or a dozen other reasons. If Hyrule broke something- an arm or shield- he usually laughed it off. But now a single withering look from Time made him feel like a child. Messing up or getting lost wasn't fun anymore.)

Everyone needed space. Hyrule was no different. So when the group decided to stop for the night, Hyrule grabbed his bag and went off into the forest under the guise of needing to use the toilet. Once alone, he sat down against a tree and opened his bag.

Hyrule rarely smoked. Besides not wanting to burn down the forest around him, the strong smell clinging to his clothes made it impossible to hunt sometimes. He only did it when he was feeling stress. Hyrule pulled out a single square piece of paper, lined it with tobacco, and rolled it with practiced proficiency. He placed it against his lips and dug back into his bag for a flint to light it.

_"Are you smoking?"_

Hyrule startled, spun around, grabbing the cigarrette and hiding it behind his back. "What? No! Of course not!"

Warriors stepped out from the thicket of the woods. "Hey, no judgement here. Just surprised is all."

Like a child who was found with their hand in the cookie jar, Hyrule guiltily brought froward the cigarette. "Please don't tell anyone."

"Is it that big of a deal to you?"

"I don't know..." Hyrule popped the cigarette back in his mouth. He dug for the flint. "My Nan used to smoke and everyone gave her so much grief for it. I know a lot of people don't care for it. What are you doing out here?"

"Checking up on you. I saw you slink away and thought you looked a little sick."

"Oh..."

Warriors turned back towards the forest. "But I can see you're fine. Do you want me to leave...?"

"No... stay. I just want a little time to be... not so heroic. Don't tell the others though. I certainly don't want to get a lecture from Time or Twi."

Warriors came over and took a seat down next to him. "I'm no snitch."

"Hmmm..." With the cigarette in his mouth, Hyrule took the flint and stroked a spark. It took two tries for it to catch. The end lit up with a dull glow, and Hyrule leaned back against the tree with a small grin on his face. He took a long, deep pull, his chest puffing. He closed his eyes in satisfaction, blowing out the smoke lazily.

Warriors reached out towards him. "Here, let me take a hit."

Hyrule passed it over. "You smoke?"

"I'm a captain to hundreds of troops. Of course I smoke." He took a long drag as well, his eyes fluttering shut. He stopped. Sat up, and as he blew smoke out from his nostrils, he look down at the cigarette with a deep frown. "I thought this was weed."

Hyrule burst out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smoking
> 
> PSA: Smoking is bad, mm'kay?


	10. Type A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: blood description

Time pressed the needle against his finger. He's done this so many times, his skin didn't bother registering the slight sting that followed. He pulled back the needle and pinched his finger, forcing blood to bubble up. When Time got enough beading on the tip of his finger, he reached out, pressing the blood against the rough bark of the tree. He dragged his finger across, drawing a small symbol.

From the corner of his eye he could see Legend shuddering in disgust.

"If you have something to say," Time said as he continued drawing. "Do it now."

Legend glared at him. "Blood magic is wicked. And I hate that we're forced to resort to this."

"Magic is magic," Time said. His blood stemmed and he had to prick himself again. "Depending how you use it makes it wicked."

"Don't give me that," Legend snapped. "You know damn well the origins and the use of blood magic. How it came to be. The ends don't justify the means."

"That happened many years ago. I'm not going to feel guilt for the sins of others that are long dead."

"You know what happens to people who use it, that it doesn't only affect you but those who share your history. How are you going to explain to _Twilight_ you may have cursed his bloodline?"

Time abruptly stopped. He twisted around to face Legend. "How did you-?"

Legend rolled his eyes. "It wasn't that hard to figure out. You and Malon weren't being very subtle about it when we were back at the ranch."

"I should've known," said Time. A sense of awe was in his voice. "Of course out of all the heroes you'd be the one... well now..." He turned back to continue drawing. "As for Twi... he'll be fine. The Master Sword wouldn't have let him touch it if it thought he was cursed."

"The ends don't justify the means," Legend repeated.

Time raised his hand away from the drawing. By now his entire finger was smeared with blood. "If you have a better idea I'd like to hear it."

Legend's mouth tightened and he turned away to look out into the darkness surrounding them. Just a few feet away, standing right at the edge of their protective circle, was a creature beyond this world. It had horns growing out of its eyes, twisting and turning like mutated deer antlers. When it opened its mouth, rows upon rows of sharp, jagged teeth went back as far as the eye could see. Thick, black tentacles emerged from its leathery back, touching everything around it, trying to find the hidden heroes.

One tentacle got close and Legend felt the urge to slam his boot down upon it. He resisted, knowing all it would achieve was alerting the Thing to their presence. He watched grimly as the tentacle poked and prodded its way around, leaving streaks of sticky, thick slime.

"There's a good chance this thing could follow us," said Legend. "And if we're forced to fight it... I'd rather be in the presence of friends."

Time grinned. "I agree."

He then slammed his palm against the intricate blood drawing. A sudden flash of white light erupted from the tree trunk, and in the blink of an eye, the two heroes were gone from this world, leaving behind nothing more than the burning remnants of their protective circle. The creature drew close, poking at the edge curiously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The monster is of my own creation, not of Zelda lore


	11. Random thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was playing around with this idea just for funsies. One-shot

As a Hero, _helplessness_ was not something Legend was familiar with. There was no mountain he couldn't climb, no monster he cannot slain, no wall that could stop him. If he was unable to help, he'd make efforts to find who could. He didn't care for sitting around, twiddling his thumbs, waiting for the next thing to happen.

A headache was building on the right side of his temple. Legend raised a hand to rub at it, scowling when it did nothing to help. "So," he said. "Are you going to share with the class what the hell is going on?"

Twilight said nothing. He was busy checking on his protege.

Wild was asleep. Or unconscious, Legend didn't know. Wild was still, eyes closed, breath steady. Seeing him like this wasn't an uncommon scene. If Legend had to count the amount of times Wild got himself hurt he'd need more than two hands. It be funny if it wasn't so frustrating at times.

Except this time it was different. Legend's eyes drifted to the right, and he shivered uncontrollably.

He didn't know how to describe what he was looking at. He's come across old abandoned churches, dark, empty caves, and areas devestated by drought. If someone asked him what was in those places, he'd say, "Nothing." But he supposed that wasn't true. There were bugs, puddles of water, rocks, dirt, smells, stains, and about a million other things.

Legend stared at the hole of _nothingness_ sitting right outside of his peripheral. There were no bugs or water or rocks. There was also no ground, no sky, no light, no dark, no beginning, no _end_. It was as if someone took a painting and cut a large circle out of it, then hung it back on the wall. Even that analogy didn't come close to what Legend was staring at. He tore his eyes away, fearing what would happen if he looked at it long enough.

Wild _made_ that hole. Legend watched him do it.

"Are you going to answer me?" Legend asked.

Twilight pressed the back of his hand against Wild's forehead, checking his temperature. When he was satisfied he pulled back, sighing. "You don't have the right to know."

Red flashed in front of Legend's eyes. "Oh, don't you pull that with me! After what I saw Wild do-"

"And if word gets out, it could put him in danger."

"Are you kidding me? You think anybody in their right mind would be willing to take on someone who could do _that?_ "

Twilight stood up. "I don't care who it could be. It's a secret to everyone."

"Does that include your protege as well?"

Twilight's mouth twisted. Legend gaped at the sight. "Oh my goddess, he doesn't know? How can he not? How do _you_ know? How is that fair?"

"It doesn't matter. I've taken a vow."

"Of what? Your chastity?"

Twilight rolled his eyes. "Like I said. It doesn't matter. My lips are sealed."

"Mine aren't," said Legend. "What's stopping me from telling the kid when he wakes up?"

Within a blink of an eye Twilight unsheathed his sword. He brought it down upon Legend, stopping it right before it made contact with his neck. The force of his would-be blow kicked up pink hair. The cold hard steel barely caressed Legend's flesh, giving a promise of blood. "You will regret it if you try," said Twilight.

Legend didn't even blink. "Yeah, no, we're not doing this." He raised his finger and pressed against the sword and pushed it away. "Good try, though. Very intimidating."

Twilight dropped his arm. He looked pained. "I will give you anything-"

"Give me answers."

"No. I can't. I have rupees-"

"You think you could bribe me?"

"Swords, shields, magical items, anything you want."

"Either tell me, or you will tell him-" He gestured over to Wild's unconscious form. "And which one of us, do you think, will have the better reaction?"

Twilight's shoulders slumped. He sheathed his sword and closed his eyes, gritting his teeth at the effort of keeping the secret within. If the situation wasn't so dire, Legend might've found his expression hilarious.

"He..." Twilight began. "Wild is... special."

Ten quiet seconds passed.

"And...?" Legend prompted.

"He's very special."

"For pity's sake- _like how?_ Sage-special?"

"I wish!" Twilight barked out. "No... he's..."

"What? Royalty? Magical? A god?"

Twilight made a face.

Legend stared at him. "That's... that's it? He's a god?" He burst out laughing. "That's the big, terrifying secret you were threatening to cut off my head for? Are you kidding me? Do you know how many _'gods'_ I've met? Gods of the weather! Gods of the flowers! Gods of insects and honey! I've met their children and their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren! This isn't new!"

He took a glance back at the nothingness. He still winced at the sight. "So which is he, then? The god of... illusion? Of fantasy?"

When he looked back at Twilight, Legend's good mirth slowly melted away.

Twilight was not smiling along. He was not laughing. He flexed his hands, opening and closing them into fists as he seemed to struggle within. He shook his head mournfully. "No... you don't understand..." He said. "Wild... isn't like... that. He's not a spirit. He's not deity or a guardian or a sacred dragon."

He fixed Legend with a burning gaze, and with the intensity of a raging storm said, "Wild is not **a** god... he's **the** god.

He is _Farore, the Goddess of Courage,_ in human form. And I will not let anything happen to him."


	12. Cheat Codes

"How did it take you to defeat your shadow?"

Time thought about. "Ummm... I'd say about two minutes."

 _"Two minutes?"_ Hyrule echoed back, his eyes bulging. "I don't want to sound like I'm whining, but fighting _my_ shadow was one of the toughest fights I've ever been in! By the end of it I was covered in cuts and bruises, drenched in sweat, breathing so hard I could barely stand. I took a risk in letting the shadow stab me, giving me the opportunity to end him. I nearly died! How did you manage to overcome such a feat so quickly?"

"It wasn't anything special. I walked in the Master Sword. And then in the middle of the battle I swapped it out with this bad boy-" he tapped his Biggoron sword. "-and he didn't have the reach."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

Hryule stared at him, his whole body sagging in disbelief. "Can I say something and request you don't judge me for it?"

"Go ahead."

_"Fuck."_


	13. Boo-boo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: (I'm not exactly sure what to put) Unconsensual touching, mild body horror

"Hold him...! Hold him!"

"He's struggling!"

The words echoed in Hyrule's ears, but he wasn't listening to any of them. All he could feel were the hands on his arms and legs, on his chest, fingers and nails scraping in a miserable attempt to hold him down. There was fire beneath his skin, burning him from inside out. He had to get away otherwise he was going to be turned into ash. He kicked and bellowed, desperate to get loose. He opened his mouth to tell whoever it was holding him to let go, but all that came out was a long guttural scream.

"Kid!" Someone else was yelling too. "You've got to stop moving! Moving makes it worse!"

Thick tears ran down his face. He could taste blood in his mouth, feel it on his lips. As another wave of searing pain washed over him, Hyrule arched his back in a desperate plea to get away. His bones creaked, his back moving up at an impossible angle, threatening to snap.

"Get him flat! Get him flat!"

Someone placed a hand on his chest and shoved down, his back cracking against the ground floor. A startled scream erupted out of him.

"Make it stop!" He begged and cried and wailed. _"Make it stop!"_

He felt two hands on his head, holding him still, when suddenly gloved fingers started pushing against his lips. He was conscious enough to perceive this as an enemy and he tried to bite at them. The fingers took the opportunity to force themselves between his teeth, shoving to the far back, preventing Hyrule from closing his mouth. Hyrule gagged, unable to voice words now.

"You need to swallow this," a voice said to him. "It's going to taste like hell, but you need to swallow."

His head was suddenly lifted at an angle and liquid as thick as syrup spilled heavily into his mouth. The liquid was simultaneously too hot, too cold, and tasted like something Sky cooked. Hyrule immediately choked, doing his best to spit it back out. Hands rubbed furiously at his throat, forcing him to swallow.

He cried at the humiliation of being treated like a dog while his Adam's apple bopped in response. After three or four audible _gulps_ , the fingers removed themselves.

Hyrule's chest rose and fell heavily as a cool sensation spread across his body, putting out the flames. Slowly he calmed, his muscles relaxing. One by one the hands holding him down tentatively let go.

"Is it over?" Someone asked. Their voice sounded far away like an echo in a canyon.

 _"Yeah,"_ said another in response. _"It's over now. He'll be fine."_


	14. Rick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence, blood, Wind!whump

Monsters didn't tie palomar knots.

Wind knew these knots very well. He's used them plenty of times when he went fishing with the gang. He could tie these knots in his sleep. Untying them was another issue. They were wrapped around his wrists, halfway up his forearm. The odd angle his arms were tied behind his back put immense strain on his elbows. He couldn't even flex his fingers because Rick tied his thumbs and forefingers together.

He was restrained against a support beam of the cabin room he was in. If he wasn't tied up, Wind would've thought this place wonderful. It was bigger than his house back on Outset Island. The thick heavy wooden walls gave off a wonderful earthy smell. There was a bed pushed to one wall with a checked blanket on top. Next to that was a drawer, a wardrobe, and a small reading table. From where Wind was forced to sit, he could just barely peer into the next room where the kitchen was.

Where Rick was.

Rick was standing in front of the heated stove, stirring something in a small pot. He hummed as he cooked, occasionally belting out random lyrics. Whatever he was cooking, it smelled amazing.

Or maybe that was the hunger talking. Wind has had nothing to eat or drink in nearly five hours. Four of those has been spent tied against this beam. His throat burned, begging for water. All he could think about was the rainy season back home, how he and Aryll would run around on the beach, playing and catching water drops on their tongue.

He was startled out of his memories when Rick suddenly announced, "Lunch!"

In Rick's hands he carried a tray of food. He was still humming as he waltzed into the room, coming to Wind's feet. He set the tray down next to Wind. It contained a bowl of delicious-looking hearty stew, a thick slice of bread, and a glass of water. At the sight Wind salivated and his stomach clenched in anticipation. He turned his face away. He refused to eat. Last time he had a bite of Rick's food he found himself here. This food was probably drugged as well.

Rick sat down in front of Wind, still humming. He reached over and spooned some of the stew. He gently blew on it. He leaned close, holding the spoon near Wind's mouth.

Wind kept his lips tight.

"C'mon, now," Rick said. He pressed the spoon closer. Some of the juices spilled and dripped upon Wind's chin. "I know you're hungry."

Wind's hands and fingers were tied, but not his feet. When Rick leaned in close again, Wind kicked out, aiming for Rick's head.

Maybe the lack of food and water made him dizzy or Rick was faster than he thought. Rick yelped and reared back, dodging the attack. Wind's food only managed to connect with the spoon, knocking it out of Rick's hand. Stew splattered on the floor.

In swift retaliation, Rick grabbed the glass of water and cracked it against the side of Wind's head.

Blood, water, and glass rained down upon Wind, soaking him. Hot, dizzying pain had Wind's toes curling as he struggled not to stick out his tongue to catch the water dripping down his face. The water could be drugged too. He sat there, groaning his pain behind sealed lips.

Rick retrieved the fallen spoon. "Silly boy," he said as if he was talking about the antics of a clumsy puppy. "Maybe it's too early to eat. I'll try again in an hour. I'm sure you'll be more open to eat by then."


	15. Podiatrist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Gross, body horror

To put it bluntly, Sky's feet were an absolutely _goddamn_ mess.

He had blisters on nearly every toe. Some were growing, others had _popped_. He had a strange rash on his left foot, and a giant bruise on his right. The heels of his feet were as dry and cracked as a desert. To top it all off, his feet _stank_. The moment Sky pulled his socks off, Hyrule had to turn his head and gag. He had to hold his arm up to cover his nose before speaking. "Why did you let it get so badly?"

Sky sunk in on himself. "I'm not a traveler like you. I ride on the winds with my loftwing. Very rarely am I in my boots all day. It's not something I'm used to. Besides, we were constantly on the rode and-"

"You know that's not an excuse," said Hyrule. "That's basic camping 101: keep your feet clean and dry. Your feet need a wash before I can do anything about the infection."

Sky made a wide gesture at the rocky landscape they were in. Not a river or pond to be seen for miles. "How?"

Hyrule's mouth twisted and he pulled over his water pouch to check how much they have. Just enough for the rest of the day if they ration it correctly. He sighed. "Pray for rain, I guess?"

"You didn't happen to learn Time's rain song, did you?"

"I didn't. You?"

"No."

They sat there miserably.

Hyrule pulled over his bag and began pulling out items. "I'll do my best to wrap your foot for now. But in the future you always carry extra clean socks."

"Yes."

"And keep your feet dry."

"Yes, I understand."

"And let them air out once in a while-"

 _"Alright, I get._ Lead by example then and show me your feet!"

Hyrule considered not to, his lips pursing in thought, and then plopped down on his butt, taking off his boot. He pulled off his sock and stuck his leg out in the air, displaying his foot. All of his toes were missing. _"Ta-da!"_

Sky's mouth dropped in horror. _"How-?"_

"This is what happens when you don't take care of your feet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I exaggerated the ending but seriously you guys, take care of ya'll feets


	16. The pink stuff

Wind has never fought so hard in his life. Not against the Helmaroc King, not even against the lord of evil himself, Ganondorf.

Wind bit and screamed and flailed. He pounded his fists down again and again, spitting curses with every strike. He did his best to kick but that was incredibly hard to do while slung over someone's shoulder.

Over _Twilight's_ shoulder.

Twilight was built like a moblin and took each blow without flinching. Did he not feel pain? Or was Wind so weak his hits felt like tickling jabs?

"Let me go!" Wind bellowed. "Let me go, you son of a bitch!"

Twilight suddenly adjusted Wind, bouncing him up, momentarily startling him from his struggle. "Quit it. You're doing this whether you like it or not."

"Fuck you!" He continued to fight.

They passed Hyrule who was coming back from his morning wash, his toothbrush still in hand. Wind reached out towards him.

_"Help me!"_

Hyrule took a step forward, but a single withering look from Twilight had him backing down. "Sorry," he said.

"Traitor!" Wind yelled.

Hyrule watched them go. They disappeared down the path but Wind's protests and screams could still be heard echoing through the forest. When his cries were indistinguishable from the rest of the forest noises, Hyrule sighed and walked back to camp. He stopped briefly by the cooking pot where Wild was busy making breakfast. The two shared an uncomfortable look.

"Dentist appointment?" Hyrule asked.

"Dentist appointment," said Wild.


	17. Uncanny Valley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: it's a slender man one shot, blood, somewhat-descriptive animal death

Hyrule wanted to enjoy his meal. It was a nice thick stew full of hearty vegetables and delicious chunks of meat. Wild had even baked bread at the last village they rested at, and he reheated the individual loaves by the fire. Hyrule found he could only eat a couple of bites, idly chewing on the same piece of meat for minutes at a time. His eyes were cast down, not engaging in any of the conversations the others were having.

An elbow lightly nudged his', catching his attention.

"Hey," said Warriors. "You feeling well? You've barely touched your meal."

Hyrule nodded. "I'm fine."

"You sure? You've been quiet as well."

Hyrule thought about making up a lie. It would be so easy to say something like _I'm just sleepy_ or _I'm homesick. S_ imple answers to explain away his silence. But as the moment went on and the others stopped in their conversations to see what's wrong, Hyrule just didn't have the energy to try. He put aside his barely-touched bowl of stew and asked, "Have you guys heard of the Uncanny Valley?"

At the random question, everyone frowned. A couple of the heroes shrugged.

Wild spoke up. "Isn't that... when something appears to be human, but there's something wrong about it?"

"Wrong?" Said Sky. "Like how?"

"It's like..." Wild trailed off, unable to think of an answer.

Time set aside his bowl of food. He wiped his fingers on his pants and reached to his bag, pulling out his Ocarina. "No worries. I think I have the perfect example."

Time put the Ocarina to his lips.

It was a rarity to hear Time play and everyone shared smiles as he performed a short, yet hauntingly beautiful song.

"That was nice," Sky said once it ended. "But why-"

A light glowed on the ground in front of Time. Slowly a figure emerged, taking shape. At first it was just a silhouette, like that of a chess piece. When it finally formed and it became clear, the group took one good look at it and recoiled in revulsion.

_"Ugh."_

Time patted his ugly doppelganger fondly. "This is what the song, _Elegy of Emptiness_ creates. No need to fear it, it's simply a statue. I use it to test traps and the such. But my reaction to seeing it the first time was exactly like yours."

Warriors held up a hand to block the sight of figure. "Uncanny Valley. Got it. Now please put it away before I get nightmares tonight."

Time laughed and played the song again. The figure disappeared back into the void, leaving only a circular imprint in the grass where it once stood. "Alright, everyone here now knows what this term means. Why do you bring it up?"

Hyrule fell quiet again. He looked out into the forest.

"I've been seeing something for a while now. At first I thought it was just it was just something at the corner of my eye. Because every time I looked, it was gone. Nobody else noticed it so I thought it was just me. That's why I chose to be quiet about it. But now... I've been seeing him more often."

 _"Him?"_ Time said.

"I think it's a person. I can't quite tell. He doesn't look like a monster..."

"But he doesn't look human, either," Legend said.

Hyrule nodded. "He looks like a regular man. He's... tall. Thin. Wears a black outfit. Honestly nothing too out of the oridinary. Because of his thin shape and dark outfit, it was easy to mistake him as a shadow or a tree. I actually thought about seeing an eye doctor or something. But then... do you guys remember that deer group we found?"

An uneasy hush fell over the group. Those who were still eating suddenly lost their appetite and put aside their bowls, touching their stomachs in revulsion.

Two weeks ago Twilight was trying to give Wind horseback riding lessons. Due to Wind's nervousness, he kept tugging on the reins, jerking Epona's head from side to side. As a result she became agitated with her rider and started bucking. Wind got off without incident though Epona refused to take him back on even after she calmed down. Wild suggested a deer instead, claiming he's ridden them plenty of times before.

It was a weird suggestion but nobody dismissed it, and Wild went off into the woods where they spotted deer from earlier.

He came back only a few minutes later, a look of distress on his face. "Guys," he said. "You should look at this."

It didn't take long to find the pack of deer... what was left of them.

Previously the deer had been peacefully grazing in the tall grass. There were five does, a buck, and two fawns. The group had only passed them an hour earlier.

It looked like a pack of lions had gone through them. There were parts and pieces everywhere. So much blood was on the ground it turned the dirt into thick, crimson mud. Worse yet, their heads were missing.

 _"What is this?"_ Twilight said in horror. "Did moblins do this?"

"I've seen moblins eat deer before," said Wild. "I have never seen them do something like this before. But if you look... nothing has been eaten. Whoever did this... did this for _fun_."

They searched the area and found no evidence of monsters or men. With nothing else to go on, they burned the remains. Sky said a small prayer, the group decided not to spend the night in the area despite how close to sunset it was. Better safe than sorry.

"As we were leaving the massacre," Hyrule said. "I took one last look back. Standing there, in the middle of the still smoking ash, was the tall man. This time he wasn't sitting just on the edge of my peripheral or was obscured by trees. I saw him fully. He stood there, motionless. Taller than any moblin I've seen. So thin it was as if he had no internal organs. His arms reached down past his knees. His fingers were like sticks. And when I tried to look at his face..."

Hyrule stopped, his eyes shutting tightly, not wanting to repeat that memory. He struggled for a long minute, and when he opened his eyes again, his voice was strangely calm.

 _"He had no face,"_ Hyrule finally said. "No eyes. No mouth. There was nothing there and yet... it felt like he was looking right at me. And I knew he was the one who hurt those deer."

"Why didn't you say something?" Time asked.

"I forgot." Hyrule shook his head. "Strange, isn't it? The moment I looked away, it was as if the memory dissolved right there."

Time's body tightened, his shoulders going back. "What you're describing... why do you think you're remembering this now?"

"Because..." Hyrule said. He pointed to the woods. "He's standing right there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want to know what the statue looks like: https://zelda.gamepedia.com/File:MM3D_Elegy_of_Emptiness_Link_Statue_Model.png


	18. Pardon my French

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: blood

_"Hooty looty!"_

The words were spoken with a yelp of pain. The entire camp turned towards Wild, who had stood up and walked away from his bubbling pot, shaking out his hand like he had burned himself. When that did nothing, he inspected the damage, seeing he had accidentally sliced the pad of his thumb. A small trickle of blood ran down his wrist. He pulled down the towel that was draped over his shoulder, pressing it against the cut.

 _"Crackily wrackily,"_ he hissed under his breath.

Legend snorted. "Uh... what?"

"Huh?" Wild looked up, realizing everyone was watching him. "Oh, sorry. I cut myself. Don't worry, none of the blood got in the soup."

"No, no, we're talking about that... what did you say? _Crackily wrackily?"_

Wild made a face. "Do you want me to apologize for it? Surely you guys heard worse curses than that."

 _"That's you cursing?"_ Legend said. A big great smile spread across his face. "Where...? How-? Who taught you those curses?"

Wild didn't answer right away. He was busy cleaning off the blood from his hand, though there was a pout on his lips and blush on his cheeks. Quietly he said, "I made them up."

Legend yelled in glee and he fell back on his bum, his hands covering his face as he giggled to himself unashamedly.

"Look, I was alone for most of my Hero's journey," Wild explained, his blush getting darker. This just sent Legend into further hysterics. "I had no idea what 'real' curse words were!"

He looked to Twilight for some reassurance but the man was turning his head away, quietly hiding a smile. Everyone else as well was mouthing Wild's chosen curse words and laughing to themselves. Wild pouted even more.

Wind suddenly clapped his hands together. "Looks like my time has come. Don't worry, Wild. I shall take you under my wing and teach you everything you need to know. First lesson: Fuck!"

Wild sighed. He was being taught how to curse by a fourteen year old child. This was his life. _"Oh hooty..."_


End file.
